The Rising Sun -- Hope Realized through SonRise (R)

With only a couple weeks before Christmas, I am newly home and renewed in ways I never imagined. E & I just returned from our Start-up Program at the Autism Treatment of America Center-- home to the SonRise (R) program. We spent a week there doing intensive training to focus our efforts on this therapy modality we had mentally & physically committed to prior to our departure. What we didn't know is that our year's motto, "2010 Born Again" would come to fruition, during our 7 days there.

This summer is the 3rd time the notion of SonRise (R) had entered our consciousness. I was ready & able to widen my vision to just let go & find out how to get started. At the center of this intention, was our youngest child, then 2.5 years old-- SJ. She has made great progress medically, yet she has been consistently inconsistent in skill acquisition & retention, despite a lot of focused therapy work. Feeling a sense of floundering, I tried to get her into ABA therapy-- "the evidenced based" therapy intervention for autistic individuals. We were placed on a 3-6 month wait-list. In the meantime, a close friend & SJ's developmental therapist agreed to work through ABA with us. We spent several weeks & both were left feeling this method will not engage SJ. She withdrew further into her world. It was then our therapist brought up the thought of SonRise(R). I researched, read, watched video clips & began seeking out others using this program.

We began informally to implement the principles & saw moments of miraculous connection. I was sold. Our therapist found a volunteer & even did a training for us. We started out 6 hours a week, one on one with SJ-- it was AWESOME! She responded more than I knew possible in that very short time & truly is a different kid in her focus room, in which the program is centered around.

SJ started preschool in September & by October I felt we'd really balanced out again to restart. In talking with a couple parents using the program, I began to know I needed to go & experience the formal training. I thought we could do this on our own, but something in my heart knew through our attendance at the training, we'd be realigned in a way beyond our comprehension.

We scrambled to make arrangements & asked for help from our parents to help us with the children, ages 7/5/5/3 (all with Autism), so that we could attend the training together. We had about 3 weeks to scrape together finances, plan & sort out the details to make this happen. It was a lot of stress just getting there with planning, wild winter weather & a feeling of burden that we towed with us to the hilly terrain of Sheffield, Massachusetts.We had no idea what we would leave there with.

Through our experience there, we came to recognize we'd been so focused on recovery for our kids and the tireless efforts that it takes in caring for them, we hadn't paid attention to the coating of emotion & judgment which had encapsulated our hearts. As a couple & partners, we faced for the first time all the raw & unexamined parts of our internal beliefs that have been driving us on our journey in a new non-judgmental light. It has been a freeing process & we were able to soak up so much more in our training on how to reach each of our children right where they are, simply by celebrating & embracing them whole-- autism & all.

2010 Born Again!

Now we are gearing up individual programs for each of them simply based on the goal of connecting with them, being with them & knowing the bridge between our worlds will be reinforced by a love that is pure, without conditions. Never have I been so excited in looking ahead to all the hours, effort & energy I know we will put into helping ourselves help our babies. What a beautiful gift we will give ourselves to truly experience Bella, Roo, S-bear & SJ for every ounce of whom they are right now & each moment forward. 

For the first time EVER in 7 years, I know with absolute certainty not only is God present, but He will provide EVERYONE & EVERYTHING we need to live 100% fulfilled lives with our kids-- by only our belief, faith & trust in them leading the way. I'll no longer leave my emotions in Autism's charge; this realization & new belief is more fueling than anything. Now with the old mindset cast off, we know we WILL: find 20+ volunteers to give their time in helping us reach our children, fund-raise for our own family & others as well so they can do the same for themselves through SonRise (R), experience absolute joy & selflessness by embracing the kids individually, & truly learn so much about the capabilities we each have individually & as a family.

It is a very Merry Christmas & even a better New Year! 

Love & light. - Momma T.

Great Expectations

Here we are in November already. Time is a constant whir. Sometimes when there is a pause I have to remember to celebrate the mountains we've conquered. We always are celebrating the steps along the way of the constant achievements of all the children, because though many are quite simple-- all are magnificent no matter how minute they may be. Similar to single brush-strokes in an artists painting, these victories are unique & majestic when you step back to let it all soak in.

The past month and a half has been more tumultuous than the norm. With gains realized through the children's chelation, comes even greater challenges of their fragile over-tasked immune systems. With healing, comes sickness; irony at it's best. Bella's been so susceptible to viruses & we are in full support mode health-wise for a few months now. Her Hashimoto's has progressed into her eye system, just as her father's. There have been some scary moments, yet amazingly- she is communicating more intentionally & independently after recovering from the last big spell which took us to the ER. She spoke of her teacher, her aide & school Speech Pathologist (by name) at home, the first time ever this past week. I love seeing her spirit shine through the fingers of Autism. It makes me want to fight harder to peel away the grip. More than anything, so she knows, I know *she's inside* there all along & we'll never give up on helping her find her way. Don't get me wrong, the Autism is a part of her now & I accept that; what I cannot accept is doing nothing when we are finding interventions lessening it's affect. I guess I'm not much for standby mode. Bella (L) & Beautiful friend (R)

Roo was knocked down again by another lung virus & a strep flare is suspect. I found myself counting her respirations while snuggled into my lap. She has a fiercely intense personality, yet her petite little frame is so fragile at this point. It's only been a month since our last ER visit & she crashed again this weekend. Her Irish complexion is mottled with the extra load on her lungs. Her beautiful baby blues are framed in the all too familiar dark circles giving indication of inflammation and decreased O2 sats. She began a fever on Sunday, but burnt it out within a day. Eucalyptus oil in a humidifier, astragulus, oscillium, probiotics, vit C/D/B12 & epsom salt baths. Her cough was croupy Fri night & Saturday. Today it's still the asthma bark. Thankfully, we saw Dr. G. today & will detox this weekend.

S-bear continues to break through, although his emotional balance and compulsive behavior is out of whack right now. It's almost like the sprint of developments which are occurring are overloading his heart-- he gets mad & sad easily. He vocalizes it poignantly-- but I'm glad, because it was only a handful of months ago that he was not able. He told me, "Mommy, I scared." the first time ever yesterday. I asked him "why?" & he said, "the sounds are too loud" (meaning the television). It's sad that the common noises are overpowering to him, but AWESOME that he is able to tell me what he is feeling & then be comforted.

SJ is keeping up with the other girls in keeping me on my toes. Last week's hospitalization following a series of seizures put me in check to not take anything for granted. When I'm put into those moments knowing how fragile this life is with one of these precious babies, I realize even more how far we've all come. We're nearing Bella & the twins' birthdays which bring back a flurry of concerning days in NICU. Hard to believe our Bella had a completely reconstructed heart now almost 7 years ago.

I'd like to say that I don't take anything for granted, yet I know I settle in to the all moving forward pattern all to easily & it's nearly scary to look back for each child & know that *back there* is always a possibility again. Regression-- the abominable & the hard to swallow factor that describes my kids' Autism. We've seen several chapters of regression amongst the four of them, some more profound than others. Thankfully we're balanced with progression now too, yet it's not a seamless transition, but more a dance full of unexpected (good & bad alike).

Strep, yeast, mercury/metals & systemic infections all making their bodies work so very hard. Today brought us physical evidence of damage done by their MMR vax. It has taken them 11 months of chelation to get down through the layers of the toxic spill that sent our twins into their first regression and onset of Autism. Their last vaccinations totalled 7 each simultaneously; Sbear evaporated within 2 weeks & Roo's was a steady decline. They are the warriors, not me. I fumble forward & follow their lead, praying for Him to show us how.

Being on this tumultous journey certainly gives the mind eternal food to analyze, assess & reflect; my mind has become skilled at triage of the profound needs tucked underneath our roof. It's when I pause or take the time to "let God" that I see my expectations. I see that all my doings are done for good, but most often not without expectations. Just over a year ago I met a kindred soul who taught me that when I put my expectations on others & myself-- all will fall short. When I put my expectations to God, I am no longer dismayed by any deficit. This is a really challenging mindset to keep, yet when I'm tuned into the bigger deal-- the great expectations I had previously become exponentially larger gifts in multifaceted dimensions beyond comprehension.

In closing will leave you with this post of an astounding woman realizing the challenge I speak to above. I love you, Meredith-- you are beyond amazing! http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2010/11/i-have-so-many-thoughts-id-like-to.html

Gold Rush Girls Party - Cornish family Adoption Fundraiser

Dear Neighbors, Friends & Family:

I am a Mom to 4 young children, all with special needs. I am planning this home gold party to donate anything I will earn as a hostess toward the remarkable Cornish family's adoption process. http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/

 

I know we all have a lot going on, yet this would require very little effort from us individually, just selling your old/unused gold & being paid for it! I do not expect anyone to donate their earnings (who cannot use extra cash?!)-- I just want to donate mine as a hostess, to use this as a fundraising platform for a beautiful family in Florida.  A portion of all sales will go directly to their adoption mission, plus anything I earn as a hostess. My dear friend Nancy (our party facilitator) also has a child with DS & we both know the Cornish family well. By hosting this party as a fundraiser, I can donate my hostess proceeds towards the $17,000/child needed for this special family to bring home a very special little boy & girl with special needs, in orphanages in overseas. 

You can read more about why helping these children find adoptive families is so vital in these overseas orphanages at http://www.reecesrainbow.com/newsite/atriskwaiting.html . Children after ages of 2 are routinely placed in mental institutions with little to no health care. They face a staggering mortality rates. I do not have the source, but from administration of Reece’s Rainbow – “Within one year of institutionalization most children pass away. If they survive the first year, then the lifespan is about 10 years.”

I came to know this incredible Momma when her little Brianna (DS) was born (same age as my twins). We belong to the same Down syndrome support group. When they originally traveled to bring Aleksa home almost 3 yrs ago, I had thoughts off adopting a baby with DS from Europe, too. But, God had other plans for us & sent us SJo, then our children each began regression into Autism. This is part of why the Cornish family is so deeply embedded into my heart. This family's strength gives me strength; their faith gives me faith.
God is working miracles through this family, much more than I can outline in this small space. Please visit their blog to see their journey firsthand. http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/

HOW YOU CAN HELP…

All you have to do is show up with any gold you are willing to sell & be paid for OR send it to me (labeled with your name & number). There are no products to buy or any outlay of cash of any kind. Instead, you get paid cash for the gold you sell. Or, you don't even have to show up, just drop off what you may want to sell & the facilitator will call you that evening to make you an offer. At minimum, it would be friends getting together for an 1-2 hours with good company & food! The more people that come or participate, the more we can raise to support the Cornish adoptions! Invite friends, family members, neighbors!

WHAT:       Gold Rush Girls Party - Cornish family Adoption Fundraiser

WHEN:      Thursday, October 21st 2010 @ 7:30PM (DATE CHANGED)

WHERE:     Detour Autism's home (will send address with your RSVP)

RSVP:        to Momma T. by 10/19 @ detour.autism@live.com

What to bring: * All unwanted gold & platinum jewelry *Broken chains *Old wedding rings *Single earrings * Pieces with missing stones (we will do our best to remove stones if needed) * Bracelets * Dental gold *If you have a question, just bring it!

The Cornish family’s Angels in WAITING!

They have approximately 3 weeks to make their goals for funding.

Top left/right & bottom right : Their angel, Aleksa, when they first met in 2008… they fell in love & had to say goodbye when the orphanage director changed his mind on letting her be adopted. Now she is available for adoption at 8 & will be placed in a mental institution if not. Mike & Meredith have never let go of the love they have for this amazing little girl, who started their adoption journey.

http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2008/04/sasha-aleksa.html

Caution: TISSUE ALERT for this video!

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=4e14875442f059a0b30e7c&skin_id=701&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

Bottom left: Their angel, Monroe, whom they will be traveling for soon & hope to bring both he & sister Aleksa home together. Such a handsome little man.

http://www.reecesrainbow.org/sponsorcornish.html

If for any reason you do not want to participate in the Gold Party, yet you still want to help this family... go to http://www.reecesrainbow.org/sponsorcornish.html and donate directly. Prayers are graciously accepted, too!!!

Help us make a difference in the lives of these beautiful children 

& others like them.

  In His faith,

                                                            Momma T.

http://www.reecesrainbow.org/waitingchildgallery.html

An Angel Encounter

You ever have those days when you feel so not on top of your game? That was me this morning. After about day 4 of severe sleep interruption & the kiddos being much more than usual erradic with all things, packing up the house for Grammy & Papa's lake, a 6 hour drive with 4 little kids, and 2 more interrupted nights... short tempers all around--- I was done.

E had found a frog at the lake & decided the kids needed a new pet. He declared we needed to load up the tribe & make a run for a terrarium for our new amphibian, "Buddy". The kids had a LOOOOONNNGGG night & I was so spent. Bella was wildly in opposition of any request, Sbear only wanted to swim & was fiercely protesting, lastly SJ was ticked off when taking her to the car after the long ride a day before. 5 minutes of multiple ear-pearcing screams, while performing car-seat Twister in the 110% humidity at 95 degrees & I snapped. "Quiet!" I shouted. I startled SJ & she cried harder. Instant Mommy guilt rushed over me. I was just so tired & totally out of fuel. "I'm sorry, baby-- it's ok." then I melted into my front passenger seat.

After a quick discussion of *letting go* with E. & 5 minutes of Sesame Street DVD-- the gang was quiet. "Look, they're calm now." - E remarked. "Yeah, great-- now they are sucked into sensory overstimulation of a DVD", I retorted. A deep sigh, 20 minutes of silence, a prayer & asking for forgiveness to the Father & I finally relaxed in exhaustion. All the kids were exhausted, SJ was yawning & it was only 10AM.

We arrived at the market & unloaded the kids. E had the twins (Sbear & Roo) in a cart & I had Bella & SJ. We pushed them all inside. As I pushed past the entrance heading for my short list of supplies, a fella smiled widely at us & waved hello to the girls as they chattered in the cart. I smiled back & focused back to my list. E took the twins a different direction as we got to getting the necessities.

After about 15 minutes, I pushed Bella & baby towards the front of the store & walked slowly, looking for the other half of our tribe. I looked quickly through an endcap of sunglasses & a gentle voice came up from behind us. I turned to find the gentleman whom had smiled at us so distinctly when we entered. He said, "I walked the whole store looking for you, because I wanted you to have this," as he handed me a sheet of paper. "I had this in my car and wanted to be sure you knew," he added.

Having caught me a bit off guard, I glanced down at the paper he handed me, entitled "Heaven's Special Child". He was talking to the girls a little & glanced back to me. "You are blessed. You have been chosen." he voiced. "I know, I help out at the Special Olympics. My step-daughter was challenged & she passed away... God, bless her." As he smiled again that wide smile, he said, "Keep that. YOU are truly special & a gift to these children." I shook his hand, said thank you & with that he turned & left. Not an ordinary store trip by any means...

I've had people tell me in the past that it was God's will to give us our children with their challenges, because *we could handle it*. I never really internalized it as I did in this encounter, even though I always believed from Bella's birth, this was God's plan. The man's words "YOU were chosen. You are special..." echoed through my mind. I waited for E & the other kids & thought to myself, "God, you just sent me an angel. Thank you for your forgiveness & encouragement."

The poem reads:

HEAVEN'S SPECIAL CHILD

A meeting was held quite far from Earth: "It's time again for another birth," said the angels to the Lord above, "This special child will need much love."

Her progress may seem very slow, accomplishments she may not show, and she'll require extra care from the folks she meets way down there.

She may not run, or laugh, or play, her thoughts may seem quite far away. In many ways she won't adapt and she'll be known as handicapped.

So let's be careful where she's sent, we want her life to be content. Please, Lord, find the parents who will do a special job for you.

They will not realize right away, the leading role they're asked to play. But with this child sent from above comes stronger faith and richer love.

And soon they'll know the priviledge given in caring for this gift from Heaven. Their precious charge, so meek and mild, is Heaven's very special child.

Another first in socialization

The past weekend we were able to go to our first EVER meetup with other families affected by Autism. I cannot believe we've been on this journey now for 3+ years and this is a big first. Acknowledging this fact makes me fully wrap my mind around the isolation we live within. We were blessed to have the kids psuedo-adopted older sisters (their favorite playmates), team K, come along. We would never been able to do this without the one to one kid ratio. In all honesty, I was still a bit nervous. There were some 80+ people planned to be there (a lot of activity), all of them strangers to the kids, & a completely unknown environment. From the children's standpoint-- this is asking A LOT of them.


Thought this was very interesting when trying to understand *how it feels* inside an Autistic body... check out the following links:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Stq_fqKqF74&feature=player_embedded#!

Anyhow, the meetup BBQ was Amazing. It felt like simply like meeting the oldest & best of friends. Everyone GOT IT & was so understanding, genuine, warm & just plain good company. It was special to meet these amazing parents I've come to know from the online support network - Autism Is Medical. Though I hate that all of us have loved ones fighting the fight of Autism, it was also inspiring & encouraging knowing so many are championing for their kids at all costs & making gains for their kids.

The kids were, well-- KIDS! So interesting, beautiful, vibrant & unique. Seeing so many young ones together affected by Autism made me kind of stop to take in the sheer numbers they represent, as well as a generation that should be teaching our future generations. I hope we are all wise and patient enough to listen to their teachings.

Another first, another blessing.

The Get-away (& my therapy)

As I wait seated on a flight departing the airport I am both excited for such a rare opportunity to go see a dear friend hours away and yet my mind is in systematic mode as I go through all the preparation (mentally) which I did in order to feel secure in leaving my babies in the caring hands of others.


Preparing and organizing for leaving without my children in tow (to my surprise) was much more work than packing for all of us to go on a trip. Updating detailed instructions, contacts, safety routes, food choices/preferances and all the supportive actions for the kids always evolving medical issues and Autism sensory/behavioral symptoms... whew-- apparently I have more brainpower than I give myself credit for! I joke that I have propetual brain fog (in reality I do), yet my memory banks are submersed in a wealth of tips/tricks for caring for these wonderful and complex little beings. Now I understand why God gave me the skill set of writing, details & systems. =>


This is the FIRST time EVER I have gone away anywhere MYSELF without my children or my husband & partner. He drove me to the airport and reassured me several times *not to worry* and that he was looking forward to this time with the kids. A man pure of heart indeed. Team K is with the kiddos for a couple of days, too. They are an extension of our family and I am proud of these two, just as if they were my own daughters. Again, God has provided for us in the unexpected, yet magnificent bond the children have with these wonderful young people. I realize and am grateful that I can find peace in knowing just how much fun they will have together and they will be safe. This is something I didn't know that I could ever feel & and it's an infinitely precious gift.


I did not tell the children I would be leaving because only Roo would comprehend slightly and her anticipation would lead to enormous anxiety and sleep disturbance, maybe night terrrors. On a tangent, sometimes I think her umbilical cord were never severed, but I know with time, nurturing, & consistant celebrating her uniqueness-- she will float out on her own more & more (knowing I'm always there).


The kids were asleep when I left so now I'm left reminescing of the parts of them that I imagine & can sense always-- their tiny hands grasping my fingers, the soft scent & texture of their hair, & each child's unique way of connecting with Momma.
~ For Bella: her pudgy short & satin fingers running across my fingertips when she's tired, her requests for butterfly & eskimo kisses. The way she tells me "Mommy-- MMMmmmmAAhh!" twice before I can leave her room (for her goodnight kiss).
~ Roo's dainty & spindly fingers entwined in mine and her desire to be on my lap with her fidgety body & the way she will give me her best eye contact when I allow her hands on my face.
~ S-bear is part animal, as he's a nuzzler.... he always buries his face in my legs or my shoulder. He tells me "baby koala?" signifying his desire to be cuddled and giggles through his "cat kisses?" requests.
~ SJ's sweet & squishy little stature. Her insistant requests of "up. up. up." & the dynamite hambone spirit that drives her petite frame. The way she can melt into my body while cozying up & the velvet feel of her dark skin.
Through these thoughts it's as though I can inhale their individaul essence & carry them with me.
MY HOPE FOR YOU READING THIS, IS THAT IT WILL MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT THE GIFTS OF YOUR SENSES & THE GIFTS WE HAVE IN HOW THEY PROVIDE SUCH INSIGHT TO EXPERIENCE THOSE WE LOVE ALWAYS.

Fast Forward: I had such an absolute blast seeing my soul-sista again. Her laughter, animated nature, nurturing spirit & super charismatic ways are so renewing to experience again IRL. I cannot remember the last time I laughed so much. It was so energizing & healing. CJ-- thanks for the great hospitality & magnificent fun. A trip I won't forget! You are one of my Earth Angels.

puppy love with Chlo ChloWine anyone? The best therapy... puppies!

Yes, this is her home... I'm so jealous! A little patch of green heaven right in the metro area.

TREES!!! Ahhhhh....

Check out their view. Do I have to come home?

Time to recognize & celebrate our behind the scenes HERO

Here is the man who swept me off my feet nearly a couple decades ago now. Has always been my partner, even when we do not agree. He is the quiet, yet hardest working leader of our pack. I get asked always, "how do you have the energy & do it all?"-- the biggest reason outside my beautiful babies is the gift God has bestowed in my love, best friend, & amazing father to our children-- my partner. I want to take the time to celebrate the man he is & has become. He gives unconditionally through the many thankless tasks he does, just because we need him to. Throughout the hustle & bustle of being the sole provider he quietly shoulders the tremendous responsibility of keeping our family going & all the items his hard work provides our family. And, somehow, even while ill himself E still remains interested & a participant in the detailed decisions of the children & all their daily lives involve, he plays with them like the best & craziest kid could, & always is there for me-- thru the good & bad.

As most married couples, we've had our share of the rollercoaster of this life. Becoming parents brought that rollercoaster ride infinitely more erradic, but we are blessed in our commitment. Many men would look at our family situation & would flee for their homeland-- the man God crafted in E. is so intricately extraordinary, I cannot even begin to do his character justice through my words. It's through the images & memories of these past years, especially the past 7 I am astounded at how resilient, ambitious & about the biggest heart I know. He has remained steadily by my side through the lowest of lows & championed for our family always. You are remarkable, E & are the world to our family.

Happy Birthday, my love!

Bella learning to swim

 Now that's a handful! Roo & Sbear

Loving baby Bella

He's a mini-E!

Big Man & Little man

Welcoming SJ

Fun with our littlest

With Bella at her Buddy Walk

Welcoming our sweet Bella