Preparing and organizing for leaving without my children in tow (to my surprise) was much more work than packing for all of us to go on a trip. Updating detailed instructions, contacts, safety routes, food choices/preferances and all the supportive actions for the kids always evolving medical issues and Autism sensory/behavioral symptoms... whew-- apparently I have more brainpower than I give myself credit for! I joke that I have propetual brain fog (in reality I do), yet my memory banks are submersed in a wealth of tips/tricks for caring for these wonderful and complex little beings. Now I understand why God gave me the skill set of writing, details & systems. =>
This is the FIRST time EVER I have gone away anywhere MYSELF without my children or my husband & partner. He drove me to the airport and reassured me several times *not to worry* and that he was looking forward to this time with the kids. A man pure of heart indeed. Team K is with the kiddos for a couple of days, too. They are an extension of our family and I am proud of these two, just as if they were my own daughters. Again, God has provided for us in the unexpected, yet magnificent bond the children have with these wonderful young people. I realize and am grateful that I can find peace in knowing just how much fun they will have together and they will be safe. This is something I didn't know that I could ever feel & and it's an infinitely precious gift.
I did not tell the children I would be leaving because only Roo would comprehend slightly and her anticipation would lead to enormous anxiety and sleep disturbance, maybe night terrrors. On a tangent, sometimes I think her umbilical cord were never severed, but I know with time, nurturing, & consistant celebrating her uniqueness-- she will float out on her own more & more (knowing I'm always there).
The kids were asleep when I left so now I'm left reminescing of the parts of them that I imagine & can sense always-- their tiny hands grasping my fingers, the soft scent & texture of their hair, & each child's unique way of connecting with Momma.
~ For Bella: her pudgy short & satin fingers running across my fingertips when she's tired, her requests for butterfly & eskimo kisses. The way she tells me "Mommy-- MMMmmmmAAhh!" twice before I can leave her room (for her goodnight kiss).
~ Roo's dainty & spindly fingers entwined in mine and her desire to be on my lap with her fidgety body & the way she will give me her best eye contact when I allow her hands on my face.
~ S-bear is part animal, as he's a nuzzler.... he always buries his face in my legs or my shoulder. He tells me "baby koala?" signifying his desire to be cuddled and giggles through his "cat kisses?" requests.
~ SJ's sweet & squishy little stature. Her insistant requests of "up. up. up." & the dynamite hambone spirit that drives her petite frame. The way she can melt into my body while cozying up & the velvet feel of her dark skin.
Through these thoughts it's as though I can inhale their individaul essence & carry them with me.
MY HOPE FOR YOU READING THIS, IS THAT IT WILL MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT THE GIFTS OF YOUR SENSES & THE GIFTS WE HAVE IN HOW THEY PROVIDE SUCH INSIGHT TO EXPERIENCE THOSE WE LOVE ALWAYS.
Fast Forward: I had such an absolute blast seeing my soul-sista again. Her laughter, animated nature, nurturing spirit & super charismatic ways are so renewing to experience again IRL. I cannot remember the last time I laughed so much. It was so energizing & healing. CJ-- thanks for the great hospitality & magnificent fun. A trip I won't forget! You are one of my Earth Angels.
Yes, this is her home... I'm so jealous! A little patch of green heaven right in the metro area.