So yesterday's fiasco of ER visit & my own emotional meltdown did not go without higher learning. I got her home in one piece without a tear, helped her to bed & tried to comfort her without success, she was enveloped in a drugged state that was taking her sensory dysfunction to a whole different level. By God's grace, she literally fell asleep in the time it took me to go up a flight of stairs, get her the pain reliever I was worried about dripping into her. Afterward, I found myself counting her respirations, listening to her restricted airway & praying for strength until the tears came. I left her room & exhaled a tide of tears & realized I had been trying to do it all on my own. E. was home wrecked with the stomach flu & Auntie Paris was kind enough to see all the others to bed that evening, so I assumed I was in charge (yet I wasn't alone). I was so distraught over Bella's stress & my perspective of her suffering, it found me under a blanket of emotion desiring only to alleviate her pain.
The irony is that by trying to do own my own & logic through the crisis, as the skilled nurse, I lost sight that I'm never alone, nor is she. I've become to accustomed to being the protector, advocate & Momma Bear (for Bella, her 3 siblings, their father & many that enter my life) that I often don't remember to "let go & Let God" in the crisis. My logic & performance under pressure is a gift, yet sometimes at a higher cost to my endurance. I'm learning & humbled.
Bella awoke very late today, after my multiple checks, yet when she did climb the stairs to the family room her sleepy face imparted a soft smile & her brilliant blue eyes blinked through the wisps of sleepy hair covering her sweet face. She had climbed the entire 14 stairs upright, albeit her right leg still dislocated. I knelt down to tell her good morning & she reached for me & snuggled into the best Bella hug a Momma could get. As I hugged her & rubbed her back, there were two loud popping sounds & when I looked-- to my surprise her hip had reset itself as we embraced. Her leg remained intact the entire day. Praise God, I hear You Lord.