The fight of this world... philosophical thoughts

As much as I know there are blessings all around us & our family is taking action to provide for, heal, and truly celebrate our tribe of 4 young extra-ordinary kids-- IT (the reality of the life we fight for daily) still stinks at times. I feel it's important to vocalize this, because more & more I am aware our fast paced American culture trains us to push away and suppress the feelings and thoughts which are negative or unpleasant. A perfect analogy of this is the overall health epidemic spreading like wildfire throughout our nations' children (encompassing asthma, juvenile diabetes, allergies, cancer, mental illness/mood disorders, neurological injury spanning everything from ALS to Epilepsy to Autism). I have blogged a lot on the topic within the previous sentence, yet my purpose today is to go beyond this, as I believe the individual epidemics alone do not account for the burden, despair & fears real people feel today.

It has been a very emotional struggle personally these past 3 months, and not really due to any one issue. If I were to focus down and look in summation of challenges that have contributed to this struggle for me, I'd say-- lack of connection, feeling of isolation, and feeling no one can possibly understand what it is to live this life, my life, our life day in and day out. The exhaustion, the worry, the constant triage of 4 very complicated little humans, plus mine and my husband's health challenges, not even getting to our needs. The feeling of time passing by & just making it. The daily effort it requires to "sustain" any form of acceptable quality of life, all while managing the constant tide of NEEDS of the children, the home, the family, the bank, the world we exist in.

Take out the fact that our family has 4 children with extreme medical, daily care, and overall supportive needs-- I think ANYONE can relate to feelings of "disconnection, isolation, and being alone". It happens to everyone at some point/time in their journey, regardless of the challenges of their earthly circumstances. I am reminded of this Life fact, by knowing, feeling & experiencing not only our own hardships-- but seeing it in so many people outside of my home. This reflection makes me think, wonder & ponder our human nature, and perhaps our selfish limitations of being mortal. If we acted in the love of our Father, and built the communities upon His Love as He desires would we be so lost?? My thought-- NO. We are all subjects within a broken world and yet we have the power to overcome, connect & support each-other in our journey HERE. Frankly, I think it's evident that our own human race survival depends on this very Intended communal design.

I think about the Moms & Dads that have shared the road in pursuing healing for their injured children (like E. & I); & how that sliver of mankind is a community which has truly supported one another, as I believe God knows we can do... only we can do so on a much grander scale. Regardless of our challenges, beliefs, and subsequent judgements... we are all in this world together. Don't we want to make it better, sustainable, a global village of honor and human integrity? Even though there are times, I'm truly at my bottom - I still believe that if we each think of this Life from our Creator's viewpoint (or whatever higher power you believe in) we would see the hope that will be actualized by real communities of people taking action to make a difference, not just for today, but for always. We humans (in search of control?), create divisions amongst ourselves and allow empowered hierarchies to further segregate us, rule (just & unjustly), and take our collective human brother/sisterhood of power. However; we often overlook that we together truly posses the power, innate love and the divine nature to overcome these obstacles in union, community for all brothers and sisters... if we only see the bigger picture. God's picture.

This alone gives me hope & helps me make sense of the challenges we all face. Doesn't mean it's all glorious, and makes me realize the *feelings* we have been gifted with can be catalysts for positive change, if only we recognize & process them, rather than pushing them away. Our feelings and senses are the intuitive means for perseverance, building a better tomorrow.

Don't give up; the devil is hoping we will. However, our: children, neighbors, family & friends are all counting on that we won't. Ever. GIVE-UP.

Happy Easter. The wishes of happiness and health, through rebirth to all-- starting with each self.

Momma T.

Autism - Not a genetic disease

Autism isn't a genetic disease, as Autism Speaks (R) touts. It is caused by the systematic environmental attack of the immune, central nervous, and neurological systems from the first day of life, and even while in utero. There are genetic vulnerabilities, if you can consider what we pass along cellularly outside of DNA: the toxic waste of mercury, other heavy metals, infection, viruses, and all the chemicals we as parents cumulatively carry... which then are passed to our baby.

As an expectant carrying mother, we detox to our unborn children in utero. This is the first environmental hit. Add to that mass vaccinations (containing poisons like mercury, formeldahyde & aluminum; not to mention biological matter sourced from aborted fetuses, pig, monkey, etc and so much more!) on an immature immune system, the convenient pharmaceuticals prescribed to clean up the immunization's after affects (ear infections, respiratory ailments, unexplained skin erruptions, etc etc), the processed garbage in our national food system (genetically modified food, harmful preservatives, petroleum based food dyes, synthetic carcenogenic sweeteners, plus toxic elements everywhere (from the fillings in our teeth, fluoridated public water, household cleaners, chemicals doused on our lawn living spaces, e-smog, etc). The assaults on our human existence are infinite.

If Autism were genetic, there would be genetic lineage traced in families, spanning generations. Instead, we are now living in the Biohazard Corruption of all times, with greed as the ultimate evil. Our healthcare system/providers are funded and trained to prescribe and vaccinate (by the Pharma corps which fund the medical training programs). Even our own Federal Vaccine Injury Court has granted immunity to the Pharma companies producing vaccines, so they will not be held accountable for the injury caused. How can any of this be ethical, legal, or simply allowed?

INDUSTRIAL CORRUPTION, GOVERNMENT ENDORSEMENT OF SAID CORRUPTION, SCIENTIFIC CONFLICT OF INTEREST & DENIAL, plus MONETARY GREED

causes the condition called Autism.

These are my children. They were not born with Autism. They regressed into a *state* of Autism (you know, the behaviors one exhibits to be diagnosed with an ASD). I had no idea of the medical foundation of complications within Autism upon our 1st diagnosis, yet have learned in a turbo tidal wave these past five & a half years, in order to reclaim my children.


Bella was born with Trisomy 21, a heart defect & an engaging personality larger than life.
  
She was not born with Autism. She is now 1 in 88*.  

 *the # the CDC now reports as the incidence of Autism (which doesn't account for kids under the age of 12. My children are all under 9 years old).

  
Sbear & Roo are twins whom were born premature, yet healthy weights with no assistance needed after birth & no health issues. They developed beautifully, were vibrantly interactive, affectionate & full of spunkiness.
  
They weren't born with Autism. They're now 2 in 88.



SJ was a healthy full term baby. She was as sweet as the day is long, and a virtual superstar in development.

 
She was not born with Autism. She is now 1 in 88.





HOW ELSE DO I KNOW AUTIM IS NOT GENETIC?
They (our kids) are healing, improving, recovering as we work diligently to address the cumulative medical complications of their health injuries. If it were genetic, they would be static, because haven't you heard??... There is no cure for what is called "Autism".

----------------------------------> from a remarkable group educating and advocating for the rights of humankind, including our most precious resource - our children. Please read below.

"‎1 in 88 does not even count children under 12. Hundreds of thousand of kids. Yours and ours. PLEASE. Educate! stand up...and FIGHT FOR THEM! Respectfully, LJ Goes (the rev)" from TACA-IL on facebook.com

read/watch here -----> OUR CHILDREN

Now imagine one of these innocent faces 
were one of YOURs.

Your son, daughter, grandchild, etc.

The Story of Roo - her road to autism

She's 6, part diva, part princess with a rainbow of colors in between. Roo is a twin, technically a middle child though developmentally the eldest. From the day she was born she was delicate, almost fragile. Demanding, intense, yet the sweetest baby girl. Her Uncle Shawn summed it up best when he described our little Irish lass as having devil horns to hold up her halo. Despite being born 6 weeks early, a twin, and under 5 lbs when she first came home - she has always had a warrior's strength/spirit.

At 6 weeks she was hospitalized with RSV. It was the start of a long chain of medical events she has encountered day in and out since then. She was often extremely fussy even when there were not explained outward signs of sickness. Other times she would get peculiar rashes, sunken dark circled eyes, a never ending runny nose, and blistering diaper rashes, despite chemical free: detergents, baby wash, diapers and homemade wipes.

 Each well baby check in which she was vaccinated, 2 or more sick visits followed. Endless crying, overall notable discomfort, rashes and infections that were treated by her pediatrician's direction, with antibiotics, steroids, pain relievers, and a virtual slew of other pharmaceuticals. I was naive, overwhelmed with 3 children under 2.5 years of age. My eldest child, Roo's big sister, already had extremely complicated medical issues ongoing and a developmental delays associated with Down syndrome. In that time, I couldn't see the forest for the trees. All of the now glaring signs of Roo's intolerance of her vaccinations, in hindsight were buried amongst the chaos of caring for psuedo-triplets, while 85% of the time I was solo in doing so. I was nursing preemie twins, and caring for a toddler whom had profound special needs. Meanwhile, back in that time, I wasn't connecting the downward slope of my Roo's health, and I thought we were doing everything we could, as we were always under the pediatrician's roof. Even so, the unexplained fevers, watery eyes, clear runny nose, asthma, colic, diarrhea, skin erruptions... by 1 year the list was long. 

At 13 months, Roo's twin (S-bear) regressed sharply into autism following his last group of vaccinations. The twins had received 9 total in that well baby appointment, including the MMR. For the first time her twin became more sick than she; he was feverish, lethargic, had crazy night waking, loss of language, stopped smiling and looking toward his name being called, nearly oblivious to our existence, etc. His extreme decline masked Roo's less drastic slope downward. I was frantic at what had occurred with our son's plummet into regression. I spoke to our pediatrician multiple times, specialists, and was told over & over, there is no connection between vaccines and autism. It was shortly after this time when we were surprised with news of our last pregnancy.

After her 13 month vaccinations, Roo's existing medical issues ramped up and she began to cry at sudden/unexpected/ high pitched noises, didn't like to be sung too, made fleeting eye contact, resisted affection, and often struggled to simply be still. I was always brought back to an explanation that "she was a preemie, her immune system is premature too. She will catch up. She's sensitive... It's her personality." She was/is sensitive, but its the bio-chemical/physical sensitivities she had which lead to her neurological and physical regression. It was a slow slope until 3.5 years old when she fell off the canyon wall, full on into hard regression.

 

She wasn't always so impacted, but the cumulative medical (immune system) damage had been done by the same tipping point of her twin, in the first year of vaccinations. By 15 months she was very verbal - knew her alphabet and numbers, by 18 months - speaking in fluid conversation by 2 years. Her twin was non verbal then. Around 18 months she would talk to herself about her hands hurting, ask herself "are you ok?" then would recite to herself the words of comfort in a script as I would typically do in reassurance to her. A complete blood work up revealed a big fat nothing and the pediatrician told me likely she was seeking attention over her siblings. Yes, she was demanding of my attention, although she wasn't seeking attention for this, because she was speaking to herself not knowing I saw her. This is when I began to look outside western medicine in a much broader scope. We went to a highly recommended Naturopath MD around this time for all 3 of the children to get food allergy testing done & in addition began working on healing their inflammed and damaged gastro-intestinal systems. They became a little better in behavior & sleep, although it was a long road. More on this in another post.

Roo continued to be susceptible to all & any virus, which often turned into an infection. Her environmental allergies were immense (atop the numerous food allergies) & she generally always looked tired. Her little immune system had been nuked and we did so much to keep her stable, although again, it was such a circus having now 2 kids in Early Intervention therapy & 3, under the age of 3; while expecting our 4th baby. Special diets, crazy routines that seemed like rituals to just survive the "need for sameness" of Sbear & Bella (really Roo, too). I'm sure, a lot of our family thought we were crazy-- we were nearly so, but not because of the things we chose to *take care* of our children. Our sanity was challenged by the energy, physical, mental, emotional, financial & overall life exhaustion that came along with it. We didn't see the choices of their special diets, supplements, intense therapy, & all the intricate details of their care, as a choice. They deserved our utmost support & how could we choose otherwise knowing all of it helped them.

Because Roo's immune system was so poor & her health so complex, she got to a point at 3.5 years old when she harshly crashed. Her body was simply worn out, by constantly working overtime just to be. She got a virus that spiked very high fevers, couldn't walk, didn't eat. I had to syringe water/pedialyte into her mouth in very small amounts around the clock to keep her hydrated. We had two ER trips over a couple weeks time, in addition to the regular pediatrician visits, the second ER trip ended in an ambulance ride, as she was unresponsive to spoken language or our touch & she appeared to be hallucinating. The ER physician said she looked septic, and she was whisked away to the nearest Children's hospital. We were released later that evening after IV fluids, oxygen & nebulizer treatments, but she was far from better.

Fevers remained intermittent & she still could not sustain any energy. She completely lost her toilet training, with continuous daytime wetting; when she had been previously 100% potty trained day & night time for over 6 months. The following month's time brought a loss of her bowel control. We saw several specialists, but a neurologist was never recommended. Meanwhile, I still had other children with extreme needs at home to manage. Her kidney damage was diagnosed and information from the treating physicians was frankly useless.

Roo's social connectedness became much more disjointed. She had difficulty relating to others in her peer group, preferred only adults. Separation anxiety & just anxiety became major obstacles. Her sensory challenges were even more so amplified. This In itself triggered her anxiety & it was a vicious cycle. She spoke much more in scripts repeating entire dialouges in proper contexts, just as I would have said them to her. She had difficulty expressing spontaneous speech, recalling information and answering simple questions. Her mind was brilliant, yet she lacked empathy, resisted touch & affection. Her self-inflicted rules were specific & not even remotely flexible. All these other things that followed the major physical, medical regression, left her in the category of Autism. Her official diagnosis came on her 4th birthday following 3 days of intense neuropsych evaluation.She wasn't even the same child outside our home, especially at school-- she chose to be silent & withdrawn. The evaluating doctor first told me she thought she was "selectively mute" after the initial school room visit. My heart sank, because I knew how much she must have struggled at school, while the staff there must have just thought she was intensely shy. That representation of Roo was the complete opposite of her abilities and her personality. At home she was a dominating conversationalist & a force to be reckoned with. I wonder how many *high functioning* kids slip through the cracks in this regard.

Two and a half years later, she has come a long way. We have spent that time diligently working on all aspects of her health. She falls into the autism spectrum near Asperger's syndrome. Health is still her number one struggle and the medical issues are deeply entwined into her presentation of Autism. She is recovering, progressing, and blossoming. It is just a delicate dance between the setbacks of her fragile health. Her challenges are still REAL, and though perhaps subtle to those not familiar with the spectrum of Autism and all the intricacies involved, her struggles cause her much stress. She is a warrior disguised as a princess. She is a success driven angel who strives to be better everyday. I am proud of you, my darling Roo & I will never give up on helping you heal. xoxo Momma

Cannot believe it is February!

This life often seems like a blur. Not in a negative way, in a house with 4 little kids, 3 schools, 5 teachers, 11 regular therapists, many helpers/visitors at any given time, a momma, daddy, and Mercy our 3 month old puppy. Not to mention outside the home work, let's not forget about that, and the diligent routine of health supports doctors appointments needed ongoing.

When things are going steady on the health front we have 6 hours of general maintainence doctoring, plus another 4 hours of travel time on top in one month. Plus some sort of diagnostic checkup whether be for hip dysphasia, eyes, dental, cardiology, ent, endocrine, urologist, bloodwork etc etc. When health is on the decline we have weeks like the past 6 encompassing additional sick visits of two/week on average, weighing important decisions of damage a medication may cause vs benefit, very needy little ones, and a sleepless mom and dad. Ongoing fevers, remedies and sick supports, laundry laundry and more laundry, cabin fever, and a good month plus of missed school due to illness across these 4 babes. Did I mention stress? I think I can take Vitals on my kids nearly telepathically.

Anyhow, all that to be said. February is Here! Whew, it's amazing how time flies and we survive. :-) Couldnt resist that last part. Hubby and I are coming up on our 16th wedding anniversary. We have seen a lot in that time, gained a lot of insight, acquired unexpected knowledge, and yes we have a relatively advanced aging involved, but we are still kicking and doing and learning. I can't imagine my life without him, as demanding as it can be on us individually and together, he is my love and partner. I think back to 1992 when we met-- wow, no words for the journey other than nothing I ever could have imagined. I am grateful for this man and God's blessing of him to me.

2012 Here we go!

So it's nearly 4AM and I have been awake since 2AM, when Bella first came downstairs. She has this darned Influenza virus that has blazed a trail through the family, so I am sure she awoke from the head congestion or body aches. My entire back and neck feel like I have fallen from a third story onto the ground below. Anyhow, I am awake, which is a normal for me in this house... But even worse miserably so (yes, I am whining).

It has been a brutal week and a half of illness. Roo and Sbear first spiked temps last Monday and Sbear is still not well. He rarely runs fevers and especially not to the tune of 104. Makes me nervous even though I know his body is doing its job to fight off the viral invader. Takes me back to a not so distant memory segment when he first became so sick following 7 vaccinations he was given at 12 months of age. For 2 weeks he had intense fevers with no explanation. We had multiple ER trips with no source or explanation for his smoking high fevers, so the ER doc sent us home with an antibiotic. This makes my gut ill now as I recall the details. No medical professional ever asked if he had recently been vaccinated. Unfortunately I was clueless and the damage had been done. Roo's descent was more subtle into the autism abyss.

I spent some reading this weekend "Thinking in pictures" by Dr. Temple Grandin, an individual with high functioning autism. It has been extremely informative to see inside her world and hear her words, explanations, and research on how an autistic mind works. It also has been a bit emotional as a Momma to read about the unpleasant feelings, emotions, and even overall brain damage and have it apply to all four of your children. It is a stop and pause on how truly atypical our family is, for me. I am submerged into our reality so deep that I don't often see it from the outside in. Seeing my husband sick himself and me feeling strained makes me wonder how I don't feel hopeless the majority of the time. I guess it is a mystery blessing that I needn't understand. I just pray for healing and health for all 6 of us.

Something EVERY parent & red-blooded American should watch... share with others for EDUCATION

I wish I had the privilege of this knowledge prior to vaccinating my children. Then I could have actually made an *informed choice* & asked questions, seen signs that my children were not tolerating vaccines I was loading them with. I know God's plan is perfect, and I know I am not to be silent. Autism is not the only possibility... people are suffering from autoimmune conditions, loss of neurologic function, seizures, and other damage following routine flu vax, gardisil vax, from ages spanning infant-teen-adult years -- this is REAL.

Street Corner Autism Debate

And one more... Parents-- trust your instincts.

Mom & Doc discuss Autism

Happy Birthday My Love

Honoring our firstborn angel. We love you... you've enriched our lives more than ever we could have dreamed.

watch here -> Loving Bella