Cannot believe it is February!

This life often seems like a blur. Not in a negative way, in a house with 4 little kids, 3 schools, 5 teachers, 11 regular therapists, many helpers/visitors at any given time, a momma, daddy, and Mercy our 3 month old puppy. Not to mention outside the home work, let's not forget about that, and the diligent routine of health supports doctors appointments needed ongoing.

When things are going steady on the health front we have 6 hours of general maintainence doctoring, plus another 4 hours of travel time on top in one month. Plus some sort of diagnostic checkup whether be for hip dysphasia, eyes, dental, cardiology, ent, endocrine, urologist, bloodwork etc etc. When health is on the decline we have weeks like the past 6 encompassing additional sick visits of two/week on average, weighing important decisions of damage a medication may cause vs benefit, very needy little ones, and a sleepless mom and dad. Ongoing fevers, remedies and sick supports, laundry laundry and more laundry, cabin fever, and a good month plus of missed school due to illness across these 4 babes. Did I mention stress? I think I can take Vitals on my kids nearly telepathically.

Anyhow, all that to be said. February is Here! Whew, it's amazing how time flies and we survive. :-) Couldnt resist that last part. Hubby and I are coming up on our 16th wedding anniversary. We have seen a lot in that time, gained a lot of insight, acquired unexpected knowledge, and yes we have a relatively advanced aging involved, but we are still kicking and doing and learning. I can't imagine my life without him, as demanding as it can be on us individually and together, he is my love and partner. I think back to 1992 when we met-- wow, no words for the journey other than nothing I ever could have imagined. I am grateful for this man and God's blessing of him to me.

2012 Here we go!

So it's nearly 4AM and I have been awake since 2AM, when Bella first came downstairs. She has this darned Influenza virus that has blazed a trail through the family, so I am sure she awoke from the head congestion or body aches. My entire back and neck feel like I have fallen from a third story onto the ground below. Anyhow, I am awake, which is a normal for me in this house... But even worse miserably so (yes, I am whining).

It has been a brutal week and a half of illness. Roo and Sbear first spiked temps last Monday and Sbear is still not well. He rarely runs fevers and especially not to the tune of 104. Makes me nervous even though I know his body is doing its job to fight off the viral invader. Takes me back to a not so distant memory segment when he first became so sick following 7 vaccinations he was given at 12 months of age. For 2 weeks he had intense fevers with no explanation. We had multiple ER trips with no source or explanation for his smoking high fevers, so the ER doc sent us home with an antibiotic. This makes my gut ill now as I recall the details. No medical professional ever asked if he had recently been vaccinated. Unfortunately I was clueless and the damage had been done. Roo's descent was more subtle into the autism abyss.

I spent some reading this weekend "Thinking in pictures" by Dr. Temple Grandin, an individual with high functioning autism. It has been extremely informative to see inside her world and hear her words, explanations, and research on how an autistic mind works. It also has been a bit emotional as a Momma to read about the unpleasant feelings, emotions, and even overall brain damage and have it apply to all four of your children. It is a stop and pause on how truly atypical our family is, for me. I am submerged into our reality so deep that I don't often see it from the outside in. Seeing my husband sick himself and me feeling strained makes me wonder how I don't feel hopeless the majority of the time. I guess it is a mystery blessing that I needn't understand. I just pray for healing and health for all 6 of us.

Something EVERY parent & red-blooded American should watch... share with others for EDUCATION

I wish I had the privilege of this knowledge prior to vaccinating my children. Then I could have actually made an *informed choice* & asked questions, seen signs that my children were not tolerating vaccines I was loading them with. I know God's plan is perfect, and I know I am not to be silent. Autism is not the only possibility... people are suffering from autoimmune conditions, loss of neurologic function, seizures, and other damage following routine flu vax, gardisil vax, from ages spanning infant-teen-adult years -- this is REAL.

Street Corner Autism Debate

And one more... Parents-- trust your instincts.

Mom & Doc discuss Autism

Happy Birthday My Love

Honoring our firstborn angel. We love you... you've enriched our lives more than ever we could have dreamed.

watch here -> Loving Bella

Happy Thanksgiving!

In honor of three very precious people in our lives... in addition to the vast spectrum of blessings we have received in this year. Thank you, Lord! Love you Michelle, Mom & Shawn. Each day is a gift and each day we have you we are blessed. T. 
**click on link to LISTEN... Karen Drucker "I am so Blessed"

SJ (4)drew this morning

Family photo opp from Summer

We tried-- LOL! How many takes will it take? 

Shooting film of multiple kids with Autism is like herding cats. 

Progress - Looking back & then to today *A Place of Miracles*

Today I'm taking the time to pause & step outside of the *circle* of our family's life. I find myself drawn to take the vantage point of spectator, in order to remove myself from the emotions of this journey. This is quest of comprehension, rather than needing to shut off from reality. A conscious effort to take in, recall events, and celebrate today.

My children are changing; YES, as kids do, but moreover ours are evolving profoundly; I feel a need to pause and purposely observe. The constant daily circuit of care-giving & family routines often preoccupies my mind; I often am not focused on how magnificent this journey has been & IS. I don't want to succumb to the complacency of *taking for granted*-- where we are today and the miracles beneath this roof. 

From experience, we've lived this life understanding it is delicate, with full realization that nothing is certain or untouchable. Our world can and has been turned over in fractions of a second. Daily I'm in awe so often of my children and each millimeter of their movement, that when I step back to see the whole horizon, honestly it's none other than astounding. My mind finally sees the giant work God has carved out with details & purpose I never recognized in the moment. Maybe I saw a shadow of the beautiful mountain, yet He had created an entire breath-taking universe in comparison. Through everything... absolute exhaustion, unparalleled stress, calamitous illness/regression, & my absolute uncertainty of tomorrow-- He has had our plan & continues to carry us.

We've bottomed out more times than I can recall or even truly want to, yet somehow, with the help of someone(s) our family propels forward. The children are champions, even on their worst days-- my neuro-typical mortal frame pales in comparison to the will, light, & energy of their tenacious spirits. These unique people don't know how to be disappointed, lose, complain or give up-- they've never had the choice. The world as we know it does not vibrate harmoniously for their inner workings & yet the rest of the unscathed population can learn so much from even one day in their life with their challenges and triumphs. I fully believe, as parents of Autistic children, we are raising AN EPIDEMIC OF TEACHERS... beyond our complete comprehension.

Today I focused in terms of only one year ago & what this time has brought to each of my babies. I'm left with a sense of gratitude so enormous, I'm singing praises. Thank you, Lord!

A YEAR AGO...

- Bella had unexplained acute onset of bilateral hip dysplasia. She had no social interest beyond getting her most basic of needs met. She preferred to be completely exclusive, not even in the same room with any of us & chose to partake in repetitive isms like a broken record. OCD-like tendencies ruled her world. Today she is cast-free, brace-free & doing gymnastic feats with vigor. She is making eye contact, pointing to request, addressing whom she is speaking to, answering to her name, excited to see friends, engage-able, less obsessive & desires independence in being the big girl she is.

- Roo was cycling through immune crashes/viral wipe-outs/infection every 2 months, she wasn't growing or putting on weight. Her lungs were severely vulnerable, her eyes sunken with dark rings, & her body wasted compared with today. She battled rigid fears, specific phobias, and consistent separation anxiety. Now though still immune compromised, she has energy each day in bursts & large growth of physical coordination (still alternated with fatigue, but huge gains), she has outgrown her brother in height, her appetite is improving, she is aware of social nuances, working constantly to learn flexibility in this unpredictable world, she's growing significantly in confidence & even competitive, she's really starting to blossom with independence & expressing empathy actively.

- S-bear was speaking nearly entirely in scripts & playing exclusively to himself. He could not make direct eye contact with out covering his eyes afterwards, was up 2-3 times per night, & was oblivious to our social world. His auditory processing was firing on about 10-25% of our spoken language. His exclusive play was rigidly repetitive & his isms were compulsive & occupied his entire day. Today he is expressing his thoughts & feelings in real, as well as abstract details, he is seeking to engage others across environments, processing spoken language/following directions, & verbalizing thoughts nearly equal to his twin sister (just not quite so bossily). He seeks friends, talks of other people & allows us into his world of imaginary play. He is concerned about others, how they are feeling & protective of them. He prompts me with the coping scripts I once fed to him line by line.

- SJ was outwardly displaying seizures, stunted growth, repeated systemic infections, extreme withdrawal to the extent of long periods mutism daily, constant cyclic regression, and her speech was in one or two words for basic needs. She never called to me as Mommy, sought help, & her eye contact was only in accidental fleeting glances. She was content most often, but in a completely separate world from ours. She occupied herself in infinite repetition of isms. Today, she looks at us, protests & calls out to Mommy, dances & performs dipped in her own propetual sunshine vibrantly. She loves school, verbally comments on her surroundings & the people in them. She is excited by PEOPLE, acknowledges them (even those she doesn't see often) & is truly fond of her siblings. She has an opinion larger than her little body & is growing! Her speech has expanded & she has an amazing sense of humor. A true character, she is.

We have a long path ahead, yet in this moment I acknowledge God's grace & light upon these children, His hand in the angels He sends to us, & the perfection of His design in these unique little beings. The road has not been straight, nor do I expect it ever will, yet in 3 words for today: Progress, Love, Celebration. This home IS *A Place for Miracles*.

In celebration of the true essence or our: Bella, Roo, Sbear & SJ. 

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson