It Ain't All Beautiful, Yet SHE IS

After all day with her hip dislocated & many failed attempts to reset it, Bella & I went to ER. I held off so long, b/c I was more afraid of the pain shewould endure in the ER (physical, mental, sensory overload), then the discomfort she's dealt with all day. Something about laying over your distressed child pulling at IV tubing, bp cuff, O2 mask, pulse Ox, etc trying to protect her that puts the gift of life & health in perspective quickly.

I'm done for today-- so stick a fork in me. The tears are flowing, b/c I'm so tired, frustrated & exhausted (for her & me). They hard cast her ankle to thigh thinking that if they immobilize the knee, her femur wouldn't be able to roll our of socket. She endured an IV, 7 blasts of x-ray radiation, multiple dosing of hallucination inducing sedative, a million hands grabbing at her & holding her down over the course of 5 hours. The end result, she's "ALL DONE" in case you haven't heard her scream it at you over the final hour & then-- her hip dislocated after 10 minutes in the hard-cast.

So ortho doc says in a NEWSFLASH tone- "she's gonna need surgery". "She's fine for now, so long as blood flow doesn't deteriorate, but she'll have arthritic hips, a need for total replacement & we don't have a lot of options for a child her age right now-- including surgery." I'm thinking to myself as I peel her hysterical 50 lb. body of thrashing muscle & one weak hip off the ER floor-- "I hope that wasn't the good news."

How the Hell can medicine offer her complete heart reconstruction of her 10 week old heart (7 years ago), which was the size of a peach pit, but not have any options for her hip/leg/mobility?!

It's midnight... she just went to sleep after absolute thrashing fit the last time-- I HATE anesthesia!! So, I'm praying she didn't pick up anything worse at ER than she went in with & that the mega supplement cocktail she took in b/t screams, will alleviate the ER drug load on her kidneys, liver, etc. We'll deal with radiation in the morning. I don't for the life of me understand why she must endure all this... why her little body must suffer so much. Have I said I'm done today? It's official.... stick a fork in me.