Celebrating the soul within - an account of S-bear

In February 2011, an au pair came to reside with us. We took a huge leap of faith to make a bold financial commitment & do this for the purpose of helping us implement fully our SonRise therapy for our children, and also get the help we so desperately needed. P. was with us for 8 of 12 months, when she relocated to another state and family au pair assignment. It was a huge transition for us because we were not prepared. For those of you reading this which have children on the autism spectrum-- you know the shock waves of ramifications I'm eluding to.

Anyhow, P. left our home in October of 2011 and just a  few weeks ago (nearly 6 months later), out of the complete blue, S-bear asked me, “Mom, does P. live in China?” I said, “Well, she is from China.” I paused to see if he would express more about what he was thinking about. He just sat there at the kitchen table reading his books for a few minutes, then he said to me, “Mom, is P. coming home soon?”

This whole spontaneous conversation blew me away, because it was completely random, and when P. was here, S-bear didn't outwardly show much of a connection with with her. For one, he is less expressive outwardly (it's only been about 20 months since he first uttered a 3 word sentence for something beyond a basic need); secondly, he has such sensory challenges that he doesn't tend to show emotional attachment beyond Momma & Daddy. 

S-bear is truly changing & really healing. We are so grateful for his healing. This reminded me again &  showed me how his feelings have always been there inside & that he had truly bonded with P., just in a way that maybe wasn’t as identifiable outwardly to us around him. This is a very teachable lesson for me & such a blessing because it absolutely fuels me to always keep on the road of S-bear's recovery. ENDLESSLY.

Even further, it reminds me to celebrate the beautiful soul he is, TODAY and everyday forward-- right where he is in each day (without judgement, assumptions, and full respect that he 100% is complete). Every inch of the iceberg of my son, S-bear, which is revealed as it comes above the water level of autism is a gift, and everything below water level I do not comprehend is also a gift ; &, by God's plan and direction we WILL see our boy's whole spirit & being through our faith & service.

I love you my beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy.

The power of Music

My daughter is 6 years old, has Asperger's syndrome, an Autism spectrum disorder. Outside of the medical foundation of her diagnosis, for her this behaviorally manifests in her: extreme anxiety, agoraphobia, rigidity of rules, need for sameness, extreme sensitivities to stimuli (sound, light, etc), difficulty with spontaneous interactions outside our home (& sometimes within), a brilliant mind with severe social deficits, including her self-knowledge of her being *different* & struggles with balanced self esteem because of.

When she regressed, she hated being sung to-- it was such a weird thing because it's a normal comforting action to soothe your distressed child with song, as a parent. She would scream, cry & tantrum. Years later, she herself would sing, but no one could sing to her. It was then our Developmental-Music Therapist told me that she had a remarkable ability for pitch (2 years old). I knew this was because she has such hypersensitivity to sound, she hears things I cannot, including accurate pitch.

Anyhow, it's 4 years later & Roo just began to work with one of our Earth angels, the same dedicated Music therapist-DT that has been with us for the past 4+ years. It has taken 6 weeks of time with the therapist to do what I'm going share with you. Yesterday, Roo told her MT that she wanted to lead the song, made up the endings to the verses & made eye contact with her the entire time. She was confident, engaged & her true personality shined through. I love this little girl & am grateful for the blessing of the gifts and healing energy of one very talented Music-Developmental therapist. We love you Stacey! Thank you for keeping on knocking on my door-- you are a powerfully positive anchor in this journey.

The following is proof that Music therapy offers healing, growth to everyone-- even the Mommy & Daddy of the client. Now if I could just stop the happy tears... =>

click here ----> Roo singing "Down by the Bay"

The fight of this world... philosophical thoughts

As much as I know there are blessings all around us & our family is taking action to provide for, heal, and truly celebrate our tribe of 4 young extra-ordinary kids-- IT (the reality of the life we fight for daily) still stinks at times. I feel it's important to vocalize this, because more & more I am aware our fast paced American culture trains us to push away and suppress the feelings and thoughts which are negative or unpleasant. A perfect analogy of this is the overall health epidemic spreading like wildfire throughout our nations' children (encompassing asthma, juvenile diabetes, allergies, cancer, mental illness/mood disorders, neurological injury spanning everything from ALS to Epilepsy to Autism). I have blogged a lot on the topic within the previous sentence, yet my purpose today is to go beyond this, as I believe the individual epidemics alone do not account for the burden, despair & fears real people feel today.

It has been a very emotional struggle personally these past 3 months, and not really due to any one issue. If I were to focus down and look in summation of challenges that have contributed to this struggle for me, I'd say-- lack of connection, feeling of isolation, and feeling no one can possibly understand what it is to live this life, my life, our life day in and day out. The exhaustion, the worry, the constant triage of 4 very complicated little humans, plus mine and my husband's health challenges, not even getting to our needs. The feeling of time passing by & just making it. The daily effort it requires to "sustain" any form of acceptable quality of life, all while managing the constant tide of NEEDS of the children, the home, the family, the bank, the world we exist in.

Take out the fact that our family has 4 children with extreme medical, daily care, and overall supportive needs-- I think ANYONE can relate to feelings of "disconnection, isolation, and being alone". It happens to everyone at some point/time in their journey, regardless of the challenges of their earthly circumstances. I am reminded of this Life fact, by knowing, feeling & experiencing not only our own hardships-- but seeing it in so many people outside of my home. This reflection makes me think, wonder & ponder our human nature, and perhaps our selfish limitations of being mortal. If we acted in the love of our Father, and built the communities upon His Love as He desires would we be so lost?? My thought-- NO. We are all subjects within a broken world and yet we have the power to overcome, connect & support each-other in our journey HERE. Frankly, I think it's evident that our own human race survival depends on this very Intended communal design.

I think about the Moms & Dads that have shared the road in pursuing healing for their injured children (like E. & I); & how that sliver of mankind is a community which has truly supported one another, as I believe God knows we can do... only we can do so on a much grander scale. Regardless of our challenges, beliefs, and subsequent judgements... we are all in this world together. Don't we want to make it better, sustainable, a global village of honor and human integrity? Even though there are times, I'm truly at my bottom - I still believe that if we each think of this Life from our Creator's viewpoint (or whatever higher power you believe in) we would see the hope that will be actualized by real communities of people taking action to make a difference, not just for today, but for always. We humans (in search of control?), create divisions amongst ourselves and allow empowered hierarchies to further segregate us, rule (just & unjustly), and take our collective human brother/sisterhood of power. However; we often overlook that we together truly posses the power, innate love and the divine nature to overcome these obstacles in union, community for all brothers and sisters... if we only see the bigger picture. God's picture.

This alone gives me hope & helps me make sense of the challenges we all face. Doesn't mean it's all glorious, and makes me realize the *feelings* we have been gifted with can be catalysts for positive change, if only we recognize & process them, rather than pushing them away. Our feelings and senses are the intuitive means for perseverance, building a better tomorrow.

Don't give up; the devil is hoping we will. However, our: children, neighbors, family & friends are all counting on that we won't. Ever. GIVE-UP.

Happy Easter. The wishes of happiness and health, through rebirth to all-- starting with each self.

Momma T.